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Advice for New Mothers

I get asked for "motherly advice" weekly, sometimes daily. My inbox is flooded with questions I often don't have time to respond to. And I understand. When you are a brand-new mama, things can be nerve-wracking. It’s natural for you look to the veterans for guidance. I did it myself. It’s wise to seek help from people you trust who have been “in the trenches.”


When I had typed out my fifth reply in three days to another new mother seeking advice, I decided to write this post. So, if you are interested in my number one tip for new mamas, read on. If not, scroll on. =)


First, a little about me. If you don’t know me, you may wonder why so many people ask me for tips on raising children. What qualifies me to give advice at all?



Well, at the time of this post, I’ve been a mom for over 13 years. I have five children of my own. I’m raising both boys and girls and have a toddler and teen at the same time (with three ages in between). I have over a decade of experience running an in-home daycare and have consistently cared for over two dozen other children in that time period. I grew up in a large family and aspire to have a large family of my own. I dream of someday having a lot of children, and I still don’t consider five children to be “a lot”.


I’ve cared for newborns, babies, and toddlers, some with severe illnesses. I’ve had preschool children, elementary aged children, middle and high school kids, and have had as many a dozen kids at the same time with no issues.


I’ve potty trained children, taught children to read, taught children to cook for themselves, clean up after themselves, and take care of younger children.


Here’s the thing, though. When you add all of that experience together, that gives me a grand total of ZERO hours of experience raising YOUR child. None.

New Mama, my biggest piece of advice for you is to remember that YOU know your child best. Go ahead and read the books, "google" the questions, and ask trusted friends and family for advice, but when you do, “eat the meat and spit out the bones”.


What works for me and my five homeschooled children, won’t necessarily work for you and your newborn.


My stay-at-home routine of teaching children, raising chickens, making every meal myself, and attempting to grow my own food, won’t always be helpful to a working mama whose children are in school or daycare during the day.


My cleaning routine, which works because I’m at home all day, isn’t going to work for someone in an office for eight hours.


My favorite recipes, which feed a family of seven, may be too much for a family of four, or too little for a family of ten.


So, please, ask for advice from those you trust. Take notes, try new routines, pull the best tips and tricks from each person and work them into your life. Or don’t. You will know what will work best for your child.


When people ask me, “How do you teach ____ to your kids?” my answer is always, “Which kid are we talking about?” Every child is unique. I don’t raise my kids with a boxed parenting curriculum.


I’m raising my boys differently than my girls. I’m training my teen on a different level than my toddler. I have children who understand schoolwork from the crack of the book, and others who need a lot of extra help.

I have children who can eat anything they want, and children who need to have their diets monitored due to allergies. I have a child who battled the potty training for almost a year, and another who was completely trained in less than a week. I had babies who only slept in a crib, and babies who co-slept with me. I had babies who stayed in the crib for a long time, and babies who were in a toddler bed well before their second birthday. I have one who went from a crib to a full-sized bed before age two, and completely skipped the toddler bed.


I bought baby food for my first baby, made it for my middle three, and completely skipped “baby food” for my last. He just ate what we ate. And I felt good about all of those decisions. If I tried something and it didn’t feel right, I changed it.


There are no written rules here. Sleep train or don’t. Co-sleep or don’t. Cloth diaper, or buy disposable. Nurse, or use formula.


Your baby is not mine, or your mom’s, or your best friend’s. Only yours.

Every child is different, and no one will understand your children better than you. Mother’s intuition is legit. It’s a gift from God, and you’ve got it! So, ask the questions, interview the grandparents, read the books and the blog posts. Knowledge is power. But don’t feel pressured into doing something just because I do, or because that’s what your mom did with you. You know your baby better than anyone else on this earth.


Eat the meat and spit out the bones. You’ve got this.



Comments


Homeschool Tips

#1 

Create a routine rather than a schedule. Don't stress about when things happen.

 

#2

Plan your day around YOU. Don't try to do things like other moms, or the way a public school would. Work this into your life, not the other way around.

 

#3

Have FUN! You can learn a lot from being outside, cooking with your kids, or making a messy art project. Books are amazing, but they can be boring for young kids sometimes. Try to liven things up as much as possible. 

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