Kids, Chores, and Mean Parents (that's me)

I know a lot of people believe chores are important for kids. It builds a strong work ethic. It teaches discipline. Very few parents disagree on this.

I recently read an article about kids and chores. It had a list of "age appropriate" jobs for children. Things like folding towels, dusting, matching socks, etc. Those were for 7-9 year olds. Really?

Those things are great. My kids do those things too. But I believe kids can do a lot more.

Kids can pretty much take care of themselves by the time they are 5 or 6. And they can take care of other children by the time they are 5-7 (depending on the children in question). Cooking, cleaning, hygiene, etc. They can learn to do it themselves at a very young age.

Rachel is 9. She’s had years of practice with these chores. (I started when she was three and should have started earlier). She, Jeremiah (7) and Katie (4) can do a full load of laundry, start to finish, including folding and putting away. The older two can both make breakfast, lunch and dinner. Rachel can set the table, serve the food, clean the other kids’ hands and faces, clear off the table, put away leftovers, load the dishwasher and clean off the counters. Then she washes the table and chairs and sweeps the floor. She can also mop if needed. Jeremiah can do everything on that list except mop. And we're working on that.

Rachel knows how to help the younger kids get ready for bed, including brushing teeth and finding pjs. She’s even been known to read them a story and tuck them in before I even make it into the room. I was telling someone recently about the fact that my kids can do all of this for themselves. She had asked me what chores my kids do. When I told her about all of this she responded with, “Why should a kid have to do all of THAT?! That’s just child abuse.” It was said in a joking tone, but I could tell she really thought I was insane. She even mentioned that it probably takes me four times as long to teach them to do these things as it would for me to just do it myself. And she is right about that. It does take a LONG time to teach them. And I have to go over and over and OVER it with them til they get it right. It’s not easy. It’s not fast. But it is worth it.

In my opinion, it would be child abuse for me NOT to teach my children how to take care of themselves. There have been so many times, especially in the last year, that their independence has been a blessing. Like last week.

I had another miscarriage last week and had surgery to complete the miscarriage. And the few days after that were hard. I was in a lot of pain. So much so that I could barely move from the couch. I have four kids, and babysit two others. Imagine not being able to move, but having to change diapers, take care of a house and cook meals for six children.

Did you imagine it? Not fun, right?

Well, that was NOT my week. My kids did all of that. And more. Rachel put the kids down for naps. Jeremiah took care of their snacks. Rachel made breakfast and lunch. Jeremiah cleared the table. Rachel vacuumed the floor, Jeremiah cleaned the bathroom. Rachel helped Katie with her bath, Jeremiah read stories to Josiah and the other kids. Katie and Josiah both helped with laundry and cleaning up toys and books. They all cleaned the living room, all cleaned the kitchen and all entertained each other. Rachel did the dishes, cleaned the dining room and even washed the windows. And I...sat on the couch all day.

The kids brought me food and drinks and were constantly checking on me. They ran the house without me all day until my husband came home. I literally sat and supervised. As I watched them do everything that needed to be done (and do it well) I was comforted by the fact that they CAN do this without me. We don't make them do all of this every day. But they do these things often enough that they can handle it all when needed.

I'm not writing all of this to brag on my kids, or my parenting style. We aren't perfect by a long shot. But THIS is why I'm so passionate about teaching my kids to do these things. We don’t know what our future holds. As much as I’d love to, I can’t guarantee I’ll always be here to make their dinner and braid their hair. I almost wasn't here anymore last fall. Anything could happen at any time to change our family forever. It's a morbid thought and not something I want to dwell on, but it's something I know is true. I don't mean to be dramatic, but this is something I want my children prepared for.

Teaching my kids to handle the bigger, harder jobs is not child abuse. It's parenting. Abuse is doing everything for your kids all the time. Leaving them incapable of independence. I was with a 5 year old boy once who could not put his own shoes on. I talked to a teenage girl once who claimed she didn't know how to make any hot foods. She couldn't use an oven or follow a recipe. When her parents were not at home, she ate cereal or chips to tide her over. I know grown men who can't do laundry. I'm not even kidding.

I want my kids to know these things NOW. I'm not going to start teaching them when they are older. I want it to be second nature by then. Completely natural. If they are hungry, a healthy meal or snack should be their go-to choice. A clean house should be their default. Laundry and dishes will not be a struggle.

Kids are capable of so much more than most people think.

I'm curious, how many people agree with me here, and how many are like my friend and think I'm nuts? =)

What chores do you require your children to do? At what ages did they start?